Lowd of the Wingth Scene 3

[The_Reaper`]

Prelude and Scene 1
Scene 2

It's been a long time coming, but it's finally here! Remember, I tried to remove all the bad stuff but if a bit is left in, don't hesitate to PM me. Enjoy...


Scene 3

<We see Gandalf riding his car towards a tower block. Graffitied on the side is 'Isenguard'. He gets out and pushes the button.>

Voice: <Like a tenor singing> Who is it?
Gandalf: Gandalf Thawuman.
Voice (Saruman): As the hour grows late, Gandalf the Grey seeks my council
Gandalf: Yeth, err, could you let me in pleathe?

<We hear a buzzing sound and the door clicks open. Saruman is standing there>

Gandalf: Thawuman

<They are walking in the garden. It is full of old mattresses and washing machines with used condoms littered about>

Gandalf: And Bilbo had it the whole time, it wath right under my nothe, but I thure thowed him! Ha! I kicked hith *ss. Last time he thtealth my strap...
Saruman: Yes of course Gandalf! But what about the ri-i-ing?
Gandalf: That wath under my nothe the whole time too but that'th not important, what ith...
Saruman: And you were too short-sighted to see it? You grow witless Gandalf

<Lots of children sing "he's witless oh yes oh yes oh yes" and disappear>

Saruman: Come inside Gandalf
Gandalf: Tho you own the whole building? What happened to the other tenants.

<Saruman starts kicking dust around and reveals a bony finger. he quickly covers it up>
<Inside and Saruman is walking towards a cloth with something underneath>

Saruman: <Still singing> We must get aid for thi-i-s

<He uncovers an ordinary stone>

Gandalf: The lotht theeing thoneth. We cannot uthe thith, not all of them are accounted for.

<Gandalf puts his robe over it and touches the stone. A BIG RED EYE screams at him and he runs away crying like a little girl. The cloak is still on the stone but he still has his cloak on. Magic y'see.>

Saruman: The hour is later than you think
Gandalf: No, I thought it wath 2 o'clock and that clock pwoveth it
Saruman: That clock is 3 hours la-a-ate <Chorus: Oh yes it is its very late> They will find the hobbits oh yes they will and they they will take the ring
Gandalf: <Horrified> Fwodo...

<He makes towards the door. It closes>

Gandalf: Thawuman, could you close that window

<Saruman does nothing. Gandalf makes towards the other doors, all of which shut>

Saruman: You know we cannot beat him Gandalf. We must join him, my friend <Chorus: Oh yes we must we must!>
Gandalf: Tell me, fwiend, when did Thawuman the White abandon wit for thwaight thex?

<Saruman's eyes widen. He whips out his staff and throws Gandalf across the room. Like Gandalf couldn't see that coming. For some reason, Gandalf doesn't attept to blow Saruman out of all existence but attempts to beat him up with his rod. Sauruman's rod is slightly bigger and more throbby than Gandalf's. Gandalf fights a losing battle and has his throbbing staff taken away from him. Saruman advances threateningly>

Saruman: If you will not join, you will know pain!

<He rises Gandalf 7 feet off the floor and stops>

Saruman: <Normal voice> Errm, would you mind walking upto the roof where I can perform unspeakable horrors upon you for which you will only show a cut above the right eyelid? I can't go through the roof and not make a hole unlike that Lord of the RingsTM film. How does he do that? But the point is my Landlord will kill me.
Gandalf: Of courthe

<They walk out, laughing and joking>

<Frodo and Sam are seen traveling, then sitting around a fire eating>

Frodo: God Sam, you are so fat, will you stop bloody eating, we'll run out
Sam: I'm sorry Mr. Frodo but I have to keep my big frame up somehow so throughout the film, I wont lose any weight even though we travel over half the world on minimum rations.

<We hear music and songs coming from the nearby woods. Frodo and Sam lok at each other and then run towards the woods. They peep through the bushes and see Elves made of wood trying to move and sing. They obviously can't because they are made of wood>

Frodo: God, they are so stupid, lets set fire to them
Sam: OK

<The wood elves manage to look terrified. After they are finished they bed down for the night. They wake up and continue their journey until they come to a large cornfield Frodo carries on but Sam stops>

Frodo: Sam?
Sam: One more step and it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve been
Frodo: Sam you fat [flipper] come on

<Sam takes one step then stops>

Sam: One more step and it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve been

<Frodo looks annoyed and walks away. Sam takes another step>

Sam: One more step and it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve been

<Frodo carries on walking. Cut to Sam in the middle of the cornfield>

Sam: One more step and it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve… Mr. Frodo? <Getting anxious> Mr. Frodo!?!

<Frodo steps out of the path ahead>

Frodo: What?
Sam: I thought I’d lost you
Frodo: Oh Sam, you know you could never lose me, I’m too close to your fat which has it’s own gravitational field to get out of it’s pull!
Sam: Mr. Frodo you are a big ugly…

<Before he finishes, Merry, Pippin and another hobbit called Colin bumps into them from the cornfield holding lots of vegetables>

Sam: You! You’ve been in Farmer Mayfly Nymph’s crop haven’t you!?Merry: Frodo, Sam. <We can hear shouts and they all look around to see a large scythe bobbing up and down attempting to look menacing whilst it only serves comedy value and to tell the hobbits exactly where he is> Here Sam, take this.

<Merry dumps his load into Sam’s waiting hands and runs off. Sam looks down at his hands, then at the approaching scythe. He drops the load and turns around>

Sam: <Talking quickly> Onemorestepandit’llbethefarthestawayfromhomeI’vebeen

<Cut to the edge of the corn field. There is a massively huge cliff which is massive and huge and everything. They all fall off and die>

<They land at the bottom of the hill>

Merry: I think I’ve broken something <Removes his completely mangled hand and arm with a broken carrot> Aw!
Pippin: <Lying next to a pile of horse dung> Phew, that was close. <He gets up covered in pooh and diarrhoea. In fact, it looks like a horse had a pooh over him, ran out of pooh, got its incontinent grandmother, used her pooh, vomited over him, kept on eating beans and Brussels continuously and just continuously poohed over him until he died of over poohing. He also had diarrhoea>

Merry: <Spotting a large pile of mushrooms> ‘Shrooms!

<Everyone rushes to them apart from Frodo. He stares at the road ahead. A rather cool shot takes place where the foreground goes further away but the background comes closer>

Frodo: I think we should get off the road
Merry: Why?
Frodo: Because a rather cool shot has taken place which makes the Foreground go further away and the background come closer which has ominous undertones

<A huge HGV truck comes out of nowhere and hits Colin, spraying his bodily organs and fluids everywhere. His head then explodes>

Mysterious person: Tee hee hee. You little b*thtard
Frodo: And that too

<They run behind a small embankment, which they thankfully fell down next to. As soon as they do this, a polka dot horse with a rider in a clown suite rides up somehow not seeing them! All the bugs start to wriggle out of their holes because of the raw evil emanating from this creature of darkness. He gets off his horse and leans over the embankment, sniffing the air. Frodo, being a retard, tries to put on the ring but thankfully, Sam snatches his hand away, which the rider cannot hear. Pippin then throws his bag (full of Sauron destroying things which he did not know about) to distract the rider. Despite the fact it is only throw a few yards, they manage to get away>

Pippin: What was that?
Merry: It was looking for something… or someone. Frodo?
Frodo: Don’t look at me innit, I never done nuffin or anything!

<After spending the whole day under cover when they clearly could have done a lot before hand, they are now surrounded by riders! They run towards the buckleberry ferry and nearly make it until a rider rides out, tramples them all to death and takes the ring and flees. They are on the ferry>

Frodo: How far to the nearest bridge? Merry: The Brandywine bridge, about 3 miles away.

To be continued...

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[Mastermue]

Great stuff reaper. Bloody funny!

[DIGSIN]

Huray it'th come back
not had such a good laugh for awhile

<They are walking in the garden. It is full of old mattresses and washing machines with used condoms littered about>

excellent description, sounds like some gardens around here.

[The_Reaper`]

Anyone else like to comment or is it just those two?

[DIGSIN]

Does seem strange 76 views and 2 comments.
Maybe they can not read in lisp mode or they dont have the right sense of humor for this.