The fear of the Ha'atií

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jhondidfool
Posts: 197
Joined: Mon, 14. Aug 06, 14:20

The fear of the Ha'atií

Post by jhondidfool » Sun, 8. Oct 06, 21:30

"I hate having tho stay in my spacesuit whenever I enter a Boron Station. Couldn't they just breath gaseous non-watersolved oxygen, as anybody else? or at least some gas, so i could wear only a mask!? Really, i hate it, specially when i haven't been able to take it away for two days. Well, guess that it's what you get by running a TP business in the Bonon inner systems.
Oh! here it is. Appartment ju-nana, deck ichi-ju-go, ring hachi. Hell, this green space cacoons are shurely big!.
I press the... well, I guess it's the bell. When the door opens, a cloud of dark, and pressumably dirty water, flys to me slowly, mennacing with shallowing my siluette, luckly enought (shure, man!) that's what I wanted.
Once inside, the door closes shut behind me, making no noise, the water lubricates it very well. As my eyes get accostumed to the enviroment i distinguish the green misty light that comes throught the window. Definatelly, the water is hedious, spots of dirt project their shadows throught the few light rays that pennertate inside.
I'm not that shure of what am I donig here, but the deal I made this morning didn't include anything like this... well thinking of it, having to be inside a spacesuit is not that bad, you know?.
I'd better get away from here, or the smell will even penetrate the textile of the suit, and it will smell like hell.
AWWW! So much light! yes, i got out of the room, now my eyes hurt me, I should have thought of it, now i'll see red for a while!.
That was a waste of time. There was nothing in there. I'm returning to my Express.
After the swim to get back I manage to get to the airlock. AGH!, my suit smells bad, very bad indeed, what was on that room!? this fish-fellows will have a tought work cleaning it! Anyway, it's not of my concern, I'll take a nap on the--
An elder Teladi looks at me, he's inside my ship, as I am now. Encorved, trusting a kane to maintain himself... let's say in two feet.
-Softskin -his voice is a sound that hurts my soul, as if someone had beated him at his torax, forcing himself to speack. On the top of that, he's soaked.- Softskin. An old teladi needs your help. I promise you benefit from it.
I stay quiet for a moment. Then I ask. - How did you get in here?
-That doesen't matter - he says shuch words while spreading at least 50K credits on the floor, as if they were nothing.- Take me to Akeela's Beacon.
I go to my cabin as he sits on a bench, i'll have to clean the sit when this ends, he's soaking my ship!
I've got something in common with the Teladi: we speak the same language. It doesen't matter how he entered my ship."

This lil' fragment is all for now, i'll update the history as it develops in my mind ;)
and i beg your pardon for any incorrection i may say, as english is not my mother language :)

Gvork
Posts: 63
Joined: Tue, 12. Aug 03, 14:51
x3

Post by Gvork » Tue, 10. Oct 06, 11:25

jhondidfool,
Here you go, tidied up slightly, mostly spelling and grammar mistakes.
I'm not sure what you mean by "Encorved, trusting a cane to maintain himself." - you probably want to replace Encorved with Frail or Bent.

Same again with "i'll have to clean the sit", you either mean suit or you are refering to the chair/bench the Teladi is sitting on.
Its good stuff.
Gvork

"I hate having tho stay in my spacesuit whenever I enter a Boron Station. Couldn't they just breath gaseous non-watersolved oxygen, as anybody else? or at least some gas, so i could wear only a mask!? Really, i hate it, specially when i haven't been able to take it away for two days. Well, guess that it's what you get by running a TP business in the Bonon inner systems.
Oh! here it is. Appartment ju-nana, deck ichi-ju-go, ring hachi. Hell, this green space cacoons are shurely big!.
I press the... well, I guess it's the bell. When the door opens, a cloud of dark, and pressumably dirty water, flys to me slowly, mennacing with shallowing my siluette, luckly enought (shure, man!) that's what I wanted.
Once inside, the door closes shut behind me, making no noise, the water lubricates it very well. As my eyes get accostumed to the enviroment i distinguish the green misty light that comes throught the window. Definatelly, the water is hedious, spots of dirt project their shadows throught the few light rays that pennertate inside.
I'm not that shure of what am I donig here, but the deal I made this morning didn't include anything like this... well thinking of it, having to be inside a spacesuit is not that bad, you know?.
I'd better get away from here, or the smell will even penetrate the textile of the suit, and it will smell like hell.
AWWW! So much light! yes, i got out of the room, now my eyes hurt me, I should have thought of it, now i'll see red for a while!.
That was a waste of time. There was nothing in there. I'm returning to my Express.
After the swim to get back I manage to get to the airlock. AGH!, my suit smells bad, very bad indeed, what was on that room!? this fish-fellows will have a tought work cleaning it! Anyway, it's not of my concern, I'll take a nap on the--
An elder Teladi looks at me, he's inside my ship, as I am now. Encorved, trusting a kane to maintain himself... let's say in two feet.
-Softskin -his voice is a sound that hurts my soul, as if someone had beated him at his torax, forcing himself to speack. On the top of that, he's soaked.- Softskin. An old teladi needs your help. I promise you benefit from it.
I stay quiet for a moment. Then I ask. - How did you get in here?
-That doesen't matter - he says shuch words while spreading at least 50K credits on the floor, as if they were nothing.- Take me to Akeela's Beacon.
I go to my cabin as he sits on a bench, i'll have to clean the sit when this ends, he's soaking my ship!
I've got something in common with the Teladi: we speak the same language. It doesen't matter how he entered my ship."

jhondidfool
Posts: 197
Joined: Mon, 14. Aug 06, 14:20

Post by jhondidfool » Tue, 10. Oct 06, 20:26

thanks, Gvork!
here comes chaper 2! :)
"It's been two days of travel since Queen's Space, and the most dangerous sectors are to come.
We have avoided the Teladi space, as the old guy wanted it. I still ignore his name. Well, I ignore him. He does the same to me. Credits and orders have been our only comunication this days.
We are about to enter Farnham's Legend.
We are in Farnham's Legend. And the sight freezes me. Two J establish formation with my ship, and their escorts, mainly Ms and some Ls, do the same. They don't shoot, not phisically. Tey hack my system, those Terracorps junk dealers are going to hear me.
- Don't fear. - His voice scares me, i didn't spect him to be here, and much less to say that! the B-IRE on the back ain't enought to blast those beast, it even has difficulties to kill a spacefly.
I say nothing, but I'm very scared.
They guide us to the asteroid field. From here I say the Marauder. It's wrecked. Damm.
There is a Xenon Base on an asteroid. Last month this was a "lively" pirate sector, well, deadly is the word. Now, only ashes and Xenon remain. If they are here, they could reach even Argon Prime without much problem.
I see the Xenon docking... er... claws? HOLLY SH--! that thing has literraly picked us up!
We have been shallowed by the asteroid, and steel is all i can see. Steel is what my eyes see. Death is what my soul bewares."
again, any gramatical or ortography fault, please, tell, i'll correct it :)
and some criticism would be much apreciated :)

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